Our multiple closet would likely be a little small. And the floor would be a little hard, ok very hard if you sat too long. We're all crammed in together on this hard floor with the rough, thin carpet digging into our legs and making carpet prints and rugburns if we scooch around much. We're all squashed into this closet with just enough room to move.
The wallpaper's weird. It's some funky shade between a white, a cream, and a tan with a small pink floral print sprinkled sparingly about. It gets dull just looking at the wallpaper, especially if there's a party going on outside. And there usually is a party. One of us can sneak out of the closet then, only one...Or more than one if they're willing to sneak and hide behind the identity of the one all the partygoers know. But nobody complains. It feels nice to get out of that closet.
At first we didn't mind the closet. It was safe there. We could hide inside and figure things out about ourselves. And nobody outside would know we were working stuff out. Besides, if we were in the closet we'd be safe. We'd be protected. And in the closet, when we weren't going out to the party and pretending to be the person everybody knew, we could be ourselves. We could tell stories and jokes and play games. The floor didn't feel so hard then. The carpet felt soft. We were just relieved to be with each other.
But that didn't last long. In fact, some of us were resenting it from the first moment. We realized we'd sat still too long. We were cramped. We couldn't stretch our legs or undo the kinks. The jokes and stories we told each other got kind of stale. We never grew tired of each other. But the closet was getting stifling. Dust motes flittered through the air and made us sneeze. But we had to sneeze very very quietly. After all, what would happen if the others found us. They wouldn't like the truth. They wouldn't understand. The closet was the only safe place.
The hours turned into days. We grew tired of looking at the odd wallpaper and the shelves full of folded clothes. We grew tired of being in such close quarters and not getting to leave the closet. The only time we could leave the closet was when we went to the parties hiding behind the person everybody knew. Oh we could all pretend to be that person. In our case the person was a facade. Someone took the name to make it easier to hide. But that person wasn't born here with us.
But we didn't pretend so much at first. Pretending felt dishonest. It felt wrong. We didn't like adopting the habits of that fake identity. It was like wearing a hot, itchy mask. The mask was nobody's real face. It felt stiff and clunky. Surely the others would notice us! But nobody ever did. They didn't know, or didn't care that we were just people under a mask.
Over time, the mask wore thin. It got shabby and a lot of the hair fell out. The rubber started to dry-rot and it flaked off in places, giving the others glimpses of our faces beneath. We thought for sure they would notice. But they had their image of us by then and it didn't matter. The mask still covered who we were to a point and their perceived image of us did the rest. But something had to change.
And then one day one of us got angry. She was tired of hiding in the closet. So she stood up and she opened the door. And we all walked out. Some of us were walking proudly. Some of us were shuffling along with our eyes downcast. Some of us were terrified. But we all walked outside. And plenty of the people we'd went to the parties with ran away. They called us crazy. They said we were wrong and that we were all the person they knew. They didn't accept us. But you know what?
Some people we'd gone to the parties with DID accept us! Some of them were actually groups hiding in closets like we were!! And there were lots of other people hiding in closets too, just like us, all over the world. And they are all scared to come out.
Sometimes we still go back into the closet. There are certain places where we don't tell people who we are. We still wear the mask sometimes. And it's still hot and stifling and dusty. The closet is still cramped. The wallpaper is still dumb-looking. But knowing that there're places where it is safe to come out of the closet and let down the mask helps a lot!
So if you too are trapped in a closet, remember what we have said. Remember you are not alone. Remember there are people just like you who are also trapped. And remember you can come out. Just pick a good time to do it. But that is another story for another time. For now feel glad you are not alone.
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