So. You have just met your first multiple, or someone you have known for years has just come out to you. Congratulations! This means that they trust you, most likely. Most systems wouldn’t tell anyone that they didn’t trust about their status as multiple due to the stigma around being more than one person sharing a body. So, what should you do? How should you react? That really depends on the group in question. You should really ask the group who came out to you as their wishes might differ a lot from ours. We can’t speak for any other group than ourselves, but here is our list of plural etiquette dos and don’ts. At the least, they will serve as a guideline for interactions with most plural groups.

Don’t assume

It may be tempting to assume that you know what being a plural is like, especially if you have taken psychology classes or watched any of the numerous movies, documentaries and talk shows which have featured the phenomenon of being more than one person sharing a body. Due to these images that pop culture has instilled in people’s heads, you may be concerned for the safety of your friend, worried about what dangerous person may be lurking inside just waiting to strike, or just worried how you’re ever going to talk to them after this. Take a deep breath. Assuming the worst won’t help anyone, least of all you.

Do Ask

If you have questions about what you’ve just been told, ask. Most multiples are happy to answer questions. If they find a question offensive, they will tell you though it is nice to avoid questions that you know will be offensive. One of the nicest coming out processes we personally ever had was the nonmultiple who approached us and admitted that they had read over the DSM-IV and were scared but were coming to ask how it was for us instead of assuming.

Don’t Misname or Misgender

Though mistakes are going to happen when you are first getting to know a multiple, please try to use the names and genders people give you. After all, they know themselves better than you do. Along the same lines, please try not to call all of the people in the group by your friend’s name unless you are in public or if the group says that it is okay to do so. Even though you see just one body, these people are not all one person. In essence, you are meeting friends/housemates of your friend’s. If meeting separate-bodied individuals, you would not call them all by your friend’s name, would you?

Do Get To Know The Others

Though all multiples are different, as a general rule if someone is talking to you and introduce themselves as someone you don’t know, it is polite to try your best to remember their name and gender. It is also polite to ask them how their day is going and to try to learn things about them if they want you to know/are willing to tell you about themselves. Not all members of the group might be willing because some people are shy. But it never hurts to ask.

Meeting new people can be hard, especially when those people are part of a plural group and you only see one body. However, with time you will begin to learn people’s individual mannerisms and may become good at knowing to whom you’re speaking. Though it is a scary process at the start, getting to know your friend’s group can be a learning experience on both sides and can result in you making far more friends than you ever dreamed of.