The first step is this. Stay as calm as you possibly can. I know it may feel like the world is falling but it isn't. Secondly, take a deep breath. If your child trusted you with something like this it means they really trust you and love you and care what you think. Coming out as multiple is very hard for your child and their system. And if they got up the nerve to tell you it most probably means that they respect you and love you more than you will ever know.
Also, the fact that you're reading this guide at all is a good sign. It means that you're curious enough to look for information on the subject or if your child& linked you to this page themselves it means that you care enough to read what they show you. Some other resources can be found in the "Links" section of this site.
First I want to stress that every case is different. But the chances are there's nothing you could have done differently. Multiplicity seems to be a matter of predisposition. If someone is multiple there's most likely nothing that could be done to change that.
How would you act if your child brought home a friend and introduced them to you? Ask their names and call them by the name they give Unless they say it is ok to call them by the body's name. Some people are not comfortable giving out their real names or don't mind if you use the body name.
The important thing here is to ask what they wish to be called by and to never assume.
The person you are talking to is likely to be totally different from the person you know as your child. They may be of a different age, race, ethnicity, religion, or background. The best thing you can do is treat them like the individuals they are. If you talk to them and get to know them as people they may seem less scary.
Also keep in mind that although you see only one body there are many people living there and that not everyone you meet is your child. We understand how hard this can be to adjust to. But it can be done.
Ask them. For general use we'd recommend people. It's what they are after all. We'd use that unless they ask to be called something different.
Every case is different of course but most people in systems that we know resent the assumption that they are all just parts of one person and would prefer to be treated with respect and dignity, just like you'd treat any other separate-bodied person out there.
However, it pays to ask them what they prefer and go off of what they give you. Don't second guess them and don't assume anything. Assumptions only lead to miscommunications, hurt feelings and anger.
A better option would be to ask the current fronters Remember that they are people and therefore they do not consist of one emotion.
We're glad you asked! You can find out more in the links section of this site or you can email us with questions you have.